GRAMPA’S GUIDE TO BIKERS 2

So what do you do?

1. Apply jelly (preferably lime flavoured) to legs.

2. Lie on your side and wriggle into leathers (singing Bat Out Of Hell helps with your motivation ‘cause this can take a while).

3. Stand on one leg, up on your tiptoes and shake your other leg for 2 and a half minutes. Repeat with other leg.

4. Stretch backwards into the crab position and do 4 reverse press-ups.

5. Stand straight, admire yourself in mirror. Leathers should now fit perfectly and move with your body.

Let me tell you, I have had the best times when I’ve been cruising the streets on my bike. So many women throw themselves at you when they see you’re a Hells Biker.

The tattoo is what grabs their attention most of all. The tattoo you choose tells a person what your personality is like – they say a tattoo is the window to your soul.

My tat is faded now but boy; it was the best tat the Hells Bikers had ever seen.

It covers my chest and back and it took ten years to complete. It has such detail on it, it was perfect. No, I’m not gonna tell you what it is – it’s a secret and only other Hells Bikers know what it is.
Hells Bikers are Chick Magnets, Fact or Fiction?

It’s a well-known fact! And it’s not just the tats that do it.

I’m gonna let you in on something here, you want to know the best way to attract a biker chick?

• Wear olive oil instead of aftershave, reminds the gals of Italy. And Italy = Romance, capiche?

• Let your hair get dirty, be at peace with the grease! It shows the chicks that you have more to do with your time than to wash your hair, you know what I’m saying?

• Paint your nails (black is good), it shows the chicks that you’re still in touch with your feminine side.

• Never wash your leathers, they won’t cling properly if put them in the washer /dryer.

• Buy a dog and call it Norman (never did figure that one out, but the chicks loved it).

Okay, remember kids, bikes are dangerous weapons in the wrong hands. They went a lot slower back in the day and I’ve still had my fair share of bad accidents. Stick to learning to get your leathers on for now.