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COMMANDER VERMONT’S GUIDE TO SIS INTELLIGENCE SERVICE 2

COMMANDER VERMONT’S GUIDE TO SIS INTELLIGENCE SERVICE

Vermont’s five tips on how to be a good SIS serviceman

Here’s what you need to know:

1 – Play dumb, that way your enemy will think they’re smarter than you and let their guard down

2 – Keep your B52-mag water soaker full and on you at all times – you never know when it might be needed to hose down the tank.

3 – Always discipline yourself – if you do something wrong, slap yourself around a bit to teach yourself a lesson.

4 – Hup 2, 3, 4, is very important – learn your numbers before you enter the SIS.

5 – Disguise is important – go to some fancy dress parties and try your stuff.

The Uniform

Sunset Cove is not your average town but catching a glimpse of the SIS in the town is not unusual. We’re not hard to spot in our camouflage uniform which consists of a beach floral design in keeping with the entire style of Atlantis High. But when I’m going to a formal occasion I wear my official white dress uniform.

My Medals

I’ve received many medals throughout my career. Most are for bravery but some are also for geniusness, best dressed in the field, most quickly accomplished mission, and for being Miss World Commander of the year.

The Missions

We’ve made many missions over the years and they’ve all been adventures. One mission was to find the needle in the haystack – the mission was set to take 100 days but we managed it in 7.

Our next mission was to determine how long a piece of string is – this was the only mission we failed to complete – apparently it’s never been done.

Recently we had to track down an alien presence in Sunset Cove which proved to be a rather hard task…

So there you go – the SIS is full of fun and adventure. God speed to you all.

COMMANDER VERMONT’S GUIDE TO THE SIS – INTELLIGENCE SERVICE 1

COMMANDER VERMONT’S GUIDE TO THE SIS – INTELLIGENCE SERVICE

“Hello, I’m Commander Vermont and I’m the Commander of the Sunset Cove SIS. Here is my guide to serving your country and being proud to protect your people.

The Men

My men are one of a kind. I trust my men with my life and with my family’s life.

I and my trusty team of staunch intelligence servicemen are 100% committed to serving and protecting Sunset Cove.

Introducing my team (undercover names of course): Gnome, Flowerpot, Diddles, Tiger, Zulu, and Asterix.

We may strut our stuff across your screens BUT we are Intelligence with a difference!

No stone is left unturned in Sunset Cove if we’re on the case. The bolder and whackier we are the better! We are masters of our trade.

The Daily Routine

To be the best and the most efficient team ever, we must follow strict guidelines.

All men are to be up and ready to commence the days training by 0600 hours. After a short meal break all soldiers gather at the rendezvous point for manoeuvres training on the back lawn. This involves running, jumping, ducking, and moving like a stealth bomber through the bushes. This is all very important for sneaking into enemy camps.

Then comes the surveillance training which involves disguise, hide and seek, binocular training and coordination. Especially useful for tracking down aliens.

Next is the weapons training. Our SIS team specialise in B52-mag Water soakers and Long range 20mm hoses for especially difficult targets, absolutely lethal weapons that should only be used under special supervision. For the small minefields around the garden we draw a grid and hide in the ground specially designed “canned farters” which are easy to detonate and really have the enemy running from the smell. Weapons training is intensive and you need to be on your toes all the time.

DR LEGGS GUIDE TO PSYCHOLOGY 2

DR LEGGS GUIDE TO PSYCHOLOGY

How do you know you need to see a psychologist?

Your doctor tells you that you’re crazy.
You talk to your hand ’cause your face ain’t listening.
You can’t get by for a day without phoning your Mommy.
The face in the mirror smiles back at you.
You can’t stop singing the theme tune to Coronation Street.

These are the most common symptoms that are displayed to me at my practice in Sunset Cove. I have seen most of the residents of the Cove and what more can I say – they all love their Mommies.

I had to go in to therapy once myself you know. I kept dreaming that all these crazy whacko people kept coming to see me. My therapist told me that I was an obsessive compulsive with an inferiority complex and that I needed to pull myslef together and stop eating rice crackers.

It is said that the only way that you can be normal is to be normal and I think that’s the best piece of advice I have ever heard. In fact it was me that said it to Mr. Dorsey and he seemed to learn a lot from it.

Psychology is all in the mind you know and once you have got your head round it there is nothing to be scared of.

I would recommend that you all go into therapy and start to read the complete works of renowned psychologist Young Karl.

Take a leaf out of Kissinger’s book and just get back to basics. Let your tongue hang loose and make sure that your coat is shiny.

That is what we all strive to do and is the root of psychology.

DR LEGGS GUIDE TO PSYCHOLOGY 1

DR LEGGS GUIDE TO PSYCHOLOGY

Hi, I’m Dr.Leggz but you can call me Dr. You want to know about psychology? What makes you want to know? Tell me about yourself…

There was a guy called Freud and he liked to think that everyone loved their mommies a little too much. He thought that if you lay down on a couch and talked about what you could see when you looked at splodges then he could cure you and you wouldn’t love your mommy so much anymore.

I first heard about Freud when I was 6 years old and I was at the swimming pool. A guy said “Look, there’s Freud” and I saw a magazine with a picture of the famous psychologist on the front. Ever since then I wanted to help people.

I got my auntie to buy me a book all about psychology and I tried it out on my pet rabbit. He looked like he needed help because all he ever wanted to do was to eat carrots and I thought that was a bit obsessive with a hint of an Oedipus complex.

I cured my bunny and he never ate another carrot as long as he lived – which wasn’t too long because Uncle Siberius decided that what we all needed to get a bit of meat on our bones was a nice rabbit stew.

Anyway, I went to college and became a psychiatrist. I studied Jung and jing jang and all sorts of things that have helped me look into the minds of the sick, the sad and the crazy.

Top Four Psychology Facts

1. If you want to do things a lot then you are known as obsessed.
2. If you love your mommy then you need help.
3. Look at paint splodges, they talk to you.
4. If you need to see a psychiatrist you’re probably crazy.

SABRINA’S GUIDE TO SNOGGING 2

SABRINA’S GUIDE TO SNOGGING

The most important thing to remember is that there are many different types of kissing.

You might see a guy who you just want to peck on the cheek. Like he’s a friend you know? So you pucker up and lean over and there you go, it’s all done in an instant.

You get a geek nerd boy like Giles who wants to give you a kiss at a birthday party okay. And you’re like totally not me. But if you have to do it because like he’s broken his leg or something then you can just do the air kiss thing. Mwah mwah, as far away from his cheek as you can get in case you catch his zits and okay move on now ’cause you’re totally invading my space.

Then there’s the kiss that you give a guy on a first date. You make sure that you are standing on one leg because that makes you look shorter and let’s face it, guys so go for tiny chicks – like Kylie. So then he leans in and you make sure that you get his lips in your teeth and nibble them just a little bit. Josh loves that.

And then there’s the snog. Like this is the one that is the one you know? You can use your tongue and make sure that you get lipstick smeared all over his face ’cause that’s so romantic and totally makes sure that your mark is on your guy. Like hands off he’s so so mine.

Top Five Kisses of All Time

Sabrina and Josh Montana
Sabrina and Silver Lining
Bad Mood and Silver Lining
Romeo and Juliet
Mr. Dorsey and Violet Profusion

So now you need to practice, practice, practice and maybe one day you’ll make the top 5 list and win some awards.

But until you get good, get real. Like totally don’t go near Josh okay? He’s mine for real.