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BEANIE’S GUIDE TO BEEDLY BOPPERS Part 2

BEANIE’S GUIDE TO BEEDLY BOPPERS

So I threw away my beedly boppers and tried to forget about them and about what the Rev.Hill had said.
After a few years people stopped calling the military when I walked about town and just went back to pointing at my ears and calling me weirdo. That was okay with me.

After a few more years I found something that made me dance again so I was happy. Eating mashed potato makes it hard to dance but man, when you feel the rhythm you just can’t stop those happy feet tapping away!

Well, my life changed when the Great Potato Famine hit Sunset Cove and I had to go on rations. My happy feet had to be put away again when all potatoes had been eaten and there were no more left for anyone, not even the Montana family who could pretty much buy anything they wanted.

I was out shopping one afternoon to try to find something else that got my rhythms going and something caught my eye. Something spangly, something sparkly, something zoingy…BEEDLY BOPPERS!!!!

I waltzed my way down aisle 7 past the custard powder and the gravy granules and I tangoed past the TV dinner freezers and salsa’d my way outside and my legs just carried me faster and faster (one step together two step together) towards that beautiful sight of …

Mrs Miggins and the Rev.Hill. Wearing beedly boppers on their heads. Purple and yellow zebras. And giant sunflowers.

What was going on? Nobody screamed, nobody shouted to dive for cover as the aliens attacked, nobody shoved cotton wool in their ears so their brains wouldn’t get sucked out.

People turned and pointed and admired those beedly boppers!

Soon the whole of Sunset Cove was alive with the sparkles of the beedly boppers and everyone was wearing them!

Soon the craze spread to the rest of the world and kids, adults and grannies were wearing their favourite pair of beedly boppers whenever they could!

I held back as long as I could in case it was some crazy joke they were playing on me but then I got the shakes and the shivers and I couldn’t stop myself and I went home to my cupboard and made myself the biggest, spangliest pair of beedly boppers anyone had ever seen.

I was the local celebrity after that. Everyone wanted to be my friend and everyone wanted me to make them a pair as amazing as mine. I was on the news and I was guest of honour at the greyhound races – they got me to tango round the track as the dogs tried to get my bunny beedly boppers – good thing I’m so tall, those dogs never stood a chance.

After a while the craze died down and people moved on to other things. Leg warmers and pixie boots, rara skirts and lace gloves. I went back to my normal life and stopped being given free enchiladas at the Princess Diner. But I still wore my beedly boppers with pride and I still danced when the rhythm hit me.

Well, the years have passed and I am in love. I always liked the look of Jet but you know when I knew for the first time that I loved her, really loved her? When I saw her at Octavia’s party – she was wearing beedly boppers!

BEANIE’S GUIDE TO BEEDLY BOPPERS Part 1

BEANIE’S GUIDE TO BEEDLY BOPPERS

“Hi, Beanie Weanie here. This weird planet has some weird people living on it and none are weirder than the guys here in Sunset Cove. First they laugh and stare and then they start a craze… Let me tell you all about my story of the beedly boppers.”.

SUNSET COVE

I’ve been living here for…well, quite some time…I guess. And I’ve always loved to wear things on my head. Things like hearts and flowers and round things. Things that sparkle and shine. Things that spring and zoing and bedabingbing.

I’m happy when I wear my beedly boppers and they make me feel like dancing. I guess it’s a part of where I come from, who I am. Maybe my people wear them to celebrate? Or maybe the people of my people that wear them are like royalty? Whatever the reason, I found myself on this planet with a whole collection of beedly boppers.

People started to look at me strangely when I wore them to church for the first time. I knew that church was somewhere that you had to behave yourself and I always dressed up in my finest jeans and truckers hat when I went there so that I looked good. But one Sunday I woke up and felt sad and put on my sparkliest pair of beedly boppers which were purple and yellow zebras. They made me feel like dancing and I did – I danced all the way to church. I just forgot that I had them on.

I’m used to people staring at me so it didn’t make me feel too spaced out when all the congregation started to point and old Mrs.Miggins screamed and fainted when I walked in. That was nothing new to me at all.

But when the Rev.Hill included me in his sermon about the dangers of space aliens and said that the first sign that an alien was in the midst of town was when it started to sprout zebras out of its head I knew that he was talking about me.

I was terrified, horrified that I might actually be an alien! Missie Missie had told me all about aliens after she’d been to the drive-in movie at Cornelius Cove one time and she was so scared that one night they were going to come and suck her brains out through her ears that she never went anywhere again.

I didn’t want to be like that! I didn’t want to turn into a brain sucking alien.

GRANDPA’S GUIDE TO TELEVISION 2

GRANDPA’S GUIDE TO TELEVISION

Top 5 TV Shows

1. Ssssh – The Library

2. Simply Sophie

3. Survivor – Traffic Island

4. Sunset Cove Watch

5. The Apprentice Hairdresser

My Television Appearances

I have to confess that I’m a television junky and love to watch the reality shows and the talk shows.

I got myself on Simply Sophie once by telling all the news networks that Giles was an alien. I always thought there was something strange about him and then he was hanging out with that weird Octavia girl which just put the wind up me.

My 15 minutes of fame was over in less than a minute. After I’d been into make-up and they’d put far too much on I went to wardrobe where they put me in a nice Grandpa sweater which suited me fine. Then I got the call that I was to go on stage. I was so excited I nearly lost all control of my bladder – which isn’t hard at my age.

They asked me a couple of questions about Giles’ odd behaviour and his relationship with Miss Vermont and then they went to a commercial break and chucked me off the stage. It was great while it lasted and I’d set my tv at home to record it so I’ve been watching it over and over again for the past year.

I might try my luck and try and get another appearance but first I’ll have to think up something they’ll want to see me about. Maybe I could set a world record for the number of hours watching tv…

My only other appearance was when I was a feature on the news. I’d been out on my bike and it broke down in the middle of nowhere. I was then chased by a dog down the street who ripped off all my clothes so I tried to scale a power pole. I ended up hanging from the power pole, naked, caught in the wires getting electric shocks and couldn’t get down. Apparently I caused power outtages to half the city and they showed the piece on the news warning people not to climb power poles.

Anyway it’s time to get back to Nature Watch. Enjoy your television watching!

GRANDPA’S GUIDE TO TELEVISION 1

GRANDPA’S GUIDE TO TELEVISION

“When I was a young lad we didn’t have television so now I make up for lost time and watch it as much as I can. There’s a lot to be learnt from watching a box.”

Top Ten Tips for watching TV

1. Always have popcorn

2. Make sure your couch is comfy

3. Try turning the sound off and watching it mute.

4. Change the language and feel like you’re in another country.

5. Take the phone off the hook and bolt your door so no one can interrupt you.

6. Have a portable tv that you can take with you to the shower.

7. Watch it upside down – it will give you a new perspective

8. Phone in to all the live shows and make a nuisance of yourself

9. Don’t let anyone tell you you watch too much tv – they’re only jealous.

10. Try and get yourself on a talk show – you might regret it but will laugh it off after a few months.

Television is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get. There’s such a variety of programs that it’s sometimes really hard to even know which one to watch! Here’s some of my favourites.

Nature watch – there’s this fascinating program that follows the lives of animals and insects around the world. My favourite episode was one on ants. It put things in perspective for me. We’re all ants in a big big world and I just sat there for hours watching them scuttle along.

Freeze TV – There’s not much to this one but it satisfies my need to sleep between programs. It’s a program that films the movement of a glacier. A glacier can sometimes only move 1 foot a year so when this program is on I force myself not to watch it and take a well earned nap. If there was no Freeze TV then it’s quite possible I would never take a break from TV. So thankyou Freeze TV.

Sunset Cove Watch – This is the greatest one yet. There are security camera’s all over Sunset Cove and this channel lets you tune in and watch them. I find people in Sunset Cove are always up to something especially because they’re so WEIRD! The other day I saw a guy walking down the street on his hands who then choked on his bubble gum and another time I saw Silver Lining and Bad Mood having a huge argument in the playground over who got the best swing.

TV Addiction

Some people say they are addicted to tv but I don’t think that’s fair. You should be able to watch as much tv as you like without being typecast with a problem. I sit in my armchair and pull my cover over me when I finish for the night – I don’t sleep in a bed because then I’d have to get up to watch tv and tv should be a relaxing enjoyable experience so why ever leave? I mean you can even do your shopping on tv!

I’ve managed to program my brain to wake me up everytime my favourite shows are on. I’ve also got the latest in plasma technology and my tv does all the thinking for me. I can program it to change channels and book shows. There’s this new tv tha’ts just come on the market that can make tv dinners, find you a mate with onscreen dating and even has a foldout bed. I’m thinking seriously about saving up the $10,000 to get one.

I really think I love tv. I don’t know what I’d do without it. It’s like a long lasting, meaningful relationship. You would never think of breaking it off or calling it quits.

GILES’ GUIDE TO ACTING INSANE 2

GILES’ GUIDE TO ACTING INSANE

The pink guy at the diner is pretty weird. He wears a pink wig, speaks with his teeth gritted together and has expressions on his face that make me think he’s always smelling the worst smell in the world. Where do they find these people?

I’m insane?

Yeah so I’m not the same as everyone else here in Atlantis High and I actually feel like the only “normal” one. But is that what everyone else thinks about themselves as well? I mean don’t we all consider ourselves “normal” and everyone else is different?

Top 10 Tips on making people think you’re insane – cont…

6. Keep a mouldy piece of cheese as your best friend and make sure you take him everywhere.

7. Don’t ever shower – make sure you smell as rancid as possible.

8. Dribble always

9. Cuddle every dog in the street if you can – they’ll make you smell even better

10. Look at everyone sideways – never make eye contact directly.

Jet considers herself completely normal but who else would need pentosodiumtriphosphate just to keep their temperament normal. She thinks a little oddly sometimes and is convinced there is a conspiracy behind absolutely everything – now isn’t that irrational? Are there voices in her head telling her this stuff?

Because I’ve heard that a lot of insane people are often confused with schizophrenics. These people often have more than one personality and can argue with themselves, hear voices and generally without medication their situation gets worse.

Antonia and Antony could be a perfect example of somesort of personality disorder. I mean really they have to be one in the same and why would someone go to all that trouble to pretend to be two people?

Wow – there really are some strange people around here.

Anyway the old man down the street has stopped his bike in front of my house so I had better go and make sure all my doors are locked.

I’ll see you soon – unless you see me first.