Don Archives - Atlantis High

DON’S GUIDE TO FOOD 2

DON’S GUIDE TO FOOD

But…. food almost killed me …

I thought it might have been the Brontosaurus Bites but they were just sooooo good that I couldn’t stop eating them. Those plastic little toys they put in the box got the better of me.

I must have eaten about 5 boxes of Brontosaurus Bites that day.

I was lucky that when I was brought into the hostipal that Octavia was on hand to perform the operation.

But after they operated and pumped my stomach I was about to pass out because there was no food in my stomach.

I was on a drip of Cereal Numbers, Potato Chips, Sugar Cubes and Brontosaurus Bites for four hours!!

Did it put me off?

With such a near death experience you would think that I might get my habit under control. But no…

The next week I entered myself into the Hotdog eating contest – I came 1st which was only to be expected. And the prize was a years supply of Brontosaurus Bites :o)

Top 5 things NOT to do with food

Throw it at your friends
Never insert food into any orrifice
Don’t eat any food if you don’t know where it’s been
Don’t snort peas through your nose
Don’t laugh too much when you’re eating – there could be dire consequences

DON’S GUIDE TO FOOD 1

DON’S GUIDE TO FOOD

Hi I’m Don, the janitor at Atlantis High. I’m the best person in Sunset Cove to talk about food because no one loves food more than me. Here is my guide to food.

Why do we need food? How anyone could even ask this question is beyond me. Food is just the best! We need food to keep our bodies running. We’re a carefully oiled machine and food is essential to keep us going. We also need the right foods – most people would say we need vitamins, minerals, protein etc etc. But I know that all we really need is potato chips.

What are the best types of food?

The best food for me has to be one of two things – either really fatty or really sweet. Food has to taste good and we all know that fatty food and sweet food tastes the best.

But if you’re health conscious and don’t mind your greens then vegetables and fruit are great – they contain lots of essential vitamins that keep you healthy and full of energy – for me personally “blaaahhhh!”

My favourite food

Hmmmmmmm I luuuuurrrrrve potato chips and marshmallows. Potato chips are great because they have so much flavour. The feeling you get when you put one in your mouth…..”cccrrruunnnncchhh!” The excitement as your tastebuds realise what your eating and the feeling of satisfaction as you realise you have more to come.

Marshmallows are the sweet of sweets. The texture is fabulous – soft, chewy, sweet, and you can suck all the air out of them – but I can’t just stop with one – if there’s a bowl full then I just have to eat them all.

One of the best moments in my life

I remember the day so clearly – it was the middle of summer and I had just bought my 3rd packet of chips for the day. I was nearly at the bottom of the pack when I saw it…..

The “Elvis Chip”!!! This phenomenon comes around once in a lifetime. I just couldn’t believe that I, Don the Janitor, had found it!

The chip looked just like Elvis, his suave hair cut, the carefully defined lines of the face and I’m sure I even heard it say “why thank ya, thank ya very much”

Food you just have to have!

Chocolate
Potato Chips
Icecream
Mouldy cheese
3 week old bubble gum

Well, everybody wanted to know me then – I was invited onto the latest talkshow “Simply Sophie” where they just couldn’t get enough of me.

It was certainly the highlight of my life.

DON’S GUIDE TO EASTER 2

DON’S GUIDE TO EASTER

My favourite Easter!

My most favourite Easter was when I won the competition for the amount of hot cross buns eaten in one sitting. I ate 583 of them – well, most of them. You see I picked out all of the raisins to put in my collage that I was entering into the Easter competition.

But when the judges found out that I hadn’t eaten all of the hot cross buns they made me pull apart my collage and eat every single raisin there was. Of course this ruined my collage and I am allergic to raisins so I got a terrible rash and threw up all over the judges.

But it was still my best Easter because I won the competition and got my face in the paper – not many people recognised me because my face was so swollen and red that I looked like I’d been melted – but I did get a great prize.

I won the fluffiest rabbit that you ever did see and I named him Clarabelle. He was so cute and used to snuggle up to me and help me with my homework. He was my best friend until the day he decided to move away with the bunny from next door and start a touring jazz band.

Easter just isn’t the same now – I try to keep busy but with Clarabelle gone it hurts me to even look at a hot cross bun.

But this year should be better. I have been asked to help out at the kindergarten eggstravaganza so I think that I will have some fun. I’m going to dress up as the Easter Bunny and hand out some beautiful eggs that I have made out of sticky plaster and fluff that I have been gathering for the past 4 months. Boy oh boy, it’s going to be a good Easter.

Hope that you have a good time too!.

DON’S GUIDE TO EASTER 1

DON’S GUIDE TO EASTER

“Hey there, it’s Don the Janitor here and I’m going to tell you how I used to spend Easter as a child in Sunset Cove”

Easter in Sunset Cove

There’s not much room in the cupboard where I was brought up but Mommy always managed to find space to put an Easter nest there so that the bunny could leave me some eggs.

The nest was so comfy that I used to fall asleep in it and Mommy got angry because I squashed one of the chickens one time. She told me that the bunny would leave his eggs with Amnesia the chook but after she was squished beyond recognition there were no eggs for me and Mommy had to go out and buy some from the farmer’s wife who lived in the cupboard next door.

I remember all my friends had great big chocolate Easter eggs given to them every year but I was always happy to just get my very own chicken egg and I would keep it for a whole 6 months until it smelled just right and then I would cook it up on the camp stove.

It would give me the rumbliest belly you have ever heard but I kinda liked that. I could perform the Sunset Cove Crescendo in Blue with my belly rumbles and Mommy made a lot of extra money from selling tickets to her Bingo group to the show.

One year I was allowed out of the cupboard and I went to the swimming pool where they fill up the toddler’s pool with liquid chocolate. I stood there watching all the kids diving in headfirst and coming out all gooey and choclatey.

It looked so cool and I couldn’t wait to get in there. But then I slipped on a leftover potato skin and fell into the pool clothes and all. They had to close the pool down because I hadn’t changed my clothes for a couple of years and they said that I was unclean and that the chocolate was unfit for human consumption.

Everyone yelled at me and gave me the evil eye but Mommy scooped up all that chocolate and took it back to our cupboard where she painted the ceiling like the Sistine chapel. It sure was a beautiful thing.

DON’S GUIDE TO GROCERY SHOPPING 2

DON’S GUIDE TO GROCERY SHOPPING

The Dairy was an instant hit with the locals. The aisles were freshly stocked with all sorts of amazing products that none of us had ever seen before. This was courtesy of Ralph and his contacts. Soon the whole of the area was full of people eating self-buttering bread and active apples (that would jump around the room to provide exercise as well as nutritional content).

There is always music playing and the breakdancers perform in aisle 7 every second Friday of the month. It can be tricky when you want to get your eggs home in one piece but other than that it’s great entertainment.

My favourite time was when Ralph built a mountain of baked bean cans that were on special and the nuns climbed to the top and sung a medley of Sound of Music tunes. What a way to spend a Thursday night!

Wednesdays are date days where anyone carrying a bunch of carrots in their basket is treated to a bottle of wine and a dinner at the Princess Diner with someone else that is carrying a bunch of bananas in their basket.

One time I had dinner with Anthony and that wasn’t so hot but one time I had dinner with Dolphin and we got on like a house on fire – well, his house was on fire which is why he came out to get groceries in the first place – he couldn’t watch TV while the curtains were burning.

But the best time was when I got to have dinner with Jet Marigold. She was a blast! She had so much monosodium glutamate that she was climbing the curtains. Mrs. Gordon wasn’t too pleased and Jet had to be dragged down but we had a good laugh all the same.

Shopping at the Damascus Dairy is my all-time favourite thing to do when I’m bored. It’s open 23 and a half hours a day and if you’re there on a Sunday you get to sing hymns and are served by Ralph as all the nuns are at church.

The nuns are thinking of expanding and opening another Dairy in Helensview down the highway but I think they should just focus on this store here. I like that we get to have it all to ourselves.

Anyway, got to get a move on, it’s sixties day at the Dairy. That means that I can eat all the donuts I can grab in sixty seconds!

See ya!
Don..