Tag: Josh Montana

In order to truly be good and stealthy, your entire life must be a lie. You have chosen a life of shadows, where you must constantly hide your true self, forsaking even love.

JOSH – Oh, Octavia! Don’t give up on us that quickly!

OCTAVIA – Real, stealthy, Josh. I wasn’t talking about you and I.
….I know it sounds like a lonely existence, but really, you can never be alone if you have yourself. Especially when you have two selves: the mask you made for the world, and your hidden, inner self.

JOSH – She’s right. I gotta say, I have a bit of a crush on my super-hero alter-ego.

OCTAVIA – Josh, there are some things the public doesn’t need to know. And do you remember what I was just saying about secrecy?

JOSH – –I don’t have a super-hero alter-ego. And he certainly doesn’t wear a dashing pink body suit with optional detachable cape.

OCTAVIA – This brings me to my next point: Covering Your Tracks. If you choose a life of stealth, and a momentary lapse in secrecy occurs, the best thing is to play it cool.

The general public doesn’t know, and they don’t want to know. If you act as if nothing has happened, they will assume there has been a misunderstanding, and they will reinterpret reality, thus normalizing your mistake. The so-called discerning public is often your best ally in secret-keeping.

JOSH – I’d like to talk about Super-Hero costuming. It’s important to know that tighter is always better. Tight like a 10-year-old T-shirt that fits like a hug. Tight like my gorgeous buns of steel. Find a spandex aerobic suit that shows your every ripple and jiggle, and wear it with shining pride. Now that’s tight, man.

OCTAVIA – Don’t you feel that this sort of advice might be debilitating to the women’s rights movement?

JOSH – –Next, I don’t care what the so-called “government” tells you. Pink is your best camouflage. In a shiny pink unitard, you can blend into the most difficult landscapes, for example the lipstick section of the Rebelz Department Store. Or you could hide amongst the wasteland of sunburned tourists. Or even blend into the ocean in the high-bacteria springtime.

Nature is a myth. Wearing green to blend in with supposed “foliage” is a joke. We all know that the only real green around here is money, so, unless you’re planning to take a swim in my personal vault, pink is the only way to hide.

OCTAVIA – I think that’s a good place to end this. I need to get home and help my mother cook dinner. So I’ll leave it to the pink panther here to wrap things up.

JOSH – She wants me bad...

“Josh and Octavia here. We’ve convened at a secret location to discuss tactics in stealth. Apparently this will be a self-conducted interview, as we were invited to this location with very specific instructions from a mysterious organization called “Cloud 9.”

STEALTH

OCTAVIA – Hello, Josh. I must say I’m a bit suspicious of these circumstances.

JOSH – Seems perfectly normal to me.

OCTAVIA – That’s what scares me. Do you know what agency this “Cloud 9” works for?

JOSH – No. But they say every Cloud has it’s Silver Lining, heh. ….No? Alright. Stealth. What does it mean to me?

OCTAVIA – –As an ordinary 16-year-old girl, I have never had a need to be particularly secretive. I find that many of my petty problems are solved with a dose of good old-fashioned honesty.

But, if I did come across a matter requiring extraordinary discretion, I would take the following precautions:

a) Distance the matter from myself by all possible means, so that if anything went wrong, nothing would trace back to me.

b) Never discuss the matter outloud in a public place where I might be overheard, or in a private building that might be tapped. Never use sign-language or lip-reading or other visual means of communication that might be seen or recorded by the G2QRL High-Definition Satellite Cameras. Especially never share information in writing. In fact, the best modus operandi is to never communicate. Ever. If communication becomes absolutely necessary, direct brain-to-brain telepathic connection is the only secure line.

c) Don’t pet the dog.

JOSH – I’m going to have to disagree with the lovely Octavia on this point. I find that a good scratch on a mongrel head now and then keeps the canine populations from tearing my pretty pink tights. –I mean— The pretty pink tights I bought for my mother. As a gift. To be nice.

OCTAVIA – For those who choose a life of stealth, it is important to remember that stealth is a 24-hour job. Don’t let your guard down, even for an instant. You cannot wait until you’ve had your morning coffee to put your stealth on. Nor can you take it off and divulge privileged information just to impress a date.
No, friends, you must eat, drink, and breathe secrecy. Even while you sleep, you must be ever vigilant.