Tag: Richard Lambeth

Well recently
there was a big game – we are talking B – I – um… J – G! That’s right, we’re talking BIJG!! The bigjest game in Atlantis High was against an opposition coached by Lou Siffer called “The Dark Side”. Well, they seemed like a nice group of people!

Atlantis High had never ever (ever) won a football game. I was determined to change that and trained my troops in the Cha Cha Cha, Macerana and Tango. With Giles Gordon as quarter-pounder,
there was no way we could lose!

Thanks to a giant mutant pigeon that distracted our opposition, we were able to pull off an amazing win that will go down in history books for ever!

COACH SHANE’s 10 TIPS ON PLAYING FOOTBALL

1. Always look good
2. Stick with the rhythm
3. Brush your teeth so they are sparkly clean and shiny
4. Wear some nice shorts
5. Concentrate on the ball.
6. Keep your eye on the ball. Even better, both eyes.
7. Watch the ball.
8. Always focus on the ball.
9. Pay close attention to where the ball is and
10. Pay close attention to what the ball is doing.

“”Hi, it’s me – Coach Shane. There was a big football game at Atlantis High lately. Everyone has their opinions on sports – but especially me. I am the world authority on football and this is my guide to it”

Now not a lot of people know this but the first sport happened in the year 2 million and four B.C. That’s BC for “Before Cricket”. It happened that
 on a cold night in Caveman Urg’s cave, Urg and his wife were having a rock fight (they were arguing) when suddenly Urg’s wife picked up a tree and struck a round rock that Urg threw at her. That’s the true story of how baseball was invented (it was called Rockball in those days). But there was no cable tv to watch it on 2 million years ago…

WHO NEEDS A COACH?

On to the present day. Well, since those days when sport was invented there have been lots of other sports that have developed – like cooking, ironi
ng, tap dancing, jogging, cricket, and my favourite – wearing shorts! – ooops, I mean – football!

Well what is a Coach you may be asking? Some coaches are used to carry people around (you take a coach to get somewhere). But the type of coach I am is the guy (or girl) who gives you advice on how to play the game – who inspires you with the gameplan. You gotta make sure you have the right moves and get with the rhythm to enjoy your sport – and the coach helps you with this.

THE DANGERS OF SUNTANNING

1. Moisturiser – don’t use too much moisturiser or else you’ll be slipping and sliding around whenever you move. I once put on so much moisturiser I was as slippery as a bar of soap and couldn’t stand still without falling over. Honestly.
   
   
2. Fake tan overload – don’t use too much of this – it can ruin the colours of your clothes, especially clothes that 
3. colour stain easily like lycra or spandex! Fake tan can also make glitter on your clothes drop out.
4. Lizards. Yep. When you are lounging around in the sun you are just like a reptile – that’s what reptiles do to keep warm. Be careful or else a lizard might think you are a fellow reptile basking in the sun and they will sit beside you or try to communicate with you. Also, if you are lounging like a lizard in the sun you may find yourself surrounded by nature film crews working on documentaries.
5. An uneven tan – make sure your tan is even. Otherwise, if different parts of your body have different levels of tan you may be distracted by this tricky situation and always looking at yourself comparing your tan. This can be dangerous – you may be staring at your biceps whilst you are driving, jogging or
   eating and could easily cause an accident.

Antonia has done some research for Mr. Dorsey on the effects of suntanning, that thing that humans do to make their skin to look ‘good’. Here’s what she found…

• Don’t spend too much time unprotected outside between 10am-4pm. That is when the sun is at it’s strongest and there is even harmful reflective light in the shade.
• Keep babies who are younger than 6 months old out of the direct sun
• Kiddies who are over the age of 6 months, older children, teenagers and adults should always wear SPF 15 and over broad spectrum sunscreen
  
• Sunscreen should be applied at least 20 minutes before you go out in to the sun to give it a chance to soak in to the skin. It sjhould be re-applied every 3 to 4 hours. Don’t forget your lips, ears, hands and feet too!
• Remember that white clothes (especially if they get wet) transmit nearly the same amount of light as bare skin! Wear dark clothes as much as you can.
• The sun’s rays can pass through clouds so even on a yukky day 80% of these rays will get through!
• The suns rays reflect off sand and snow, so always wear some kind of SPF moisturiser or sunscreen.
• Remember, tanning beds and booths are not really safe either as they emenate UVA radiation.
• Don’t forget that even olive or dark skin can still burn.

“Hey there, I’m Coach Shane. Everybody in Sunset Cove asks me how they can get a good suntan – because I know everything about suntans. If you want to get with the gameplan then here is my guide to suntans…”

 “Any time of the day in Sunset Cove you can see a whole heap of gorgeous gals and hunky guys tanning their hides at the beach. Glistening bodies toast themselves by the sea all day long – and s
ometimes in to the night.

Why do they bother you may ask? Because in Sunset Cove you will stand out unless your tan is perfect – most folk here look amazing and have fantastic tans. But tans fade
out. So you gotta keep your tan up or else you won’t have a tan anymore – and you’ll be like a bug in a bowl of soup: very noticeable, and something that nobody wants to encounter.

The right kind of tan is vital. You will never get through the Tanometer machine that I run at Atlantis High school if you do not have the right kind of tan. Don’t even try to fool me with that fake stuff! It just gets all streaky and stains your clothes. And that is not a good look”.

COACH SHANE’S 5 POINT TAN GAMEPLAN

“So how do you get the perfect tan? Here’s my gameplan on what you need and what you do:

1 – Sit in the sun – hey it may be obvious but you won’t get a suntan sitting indoors. Stay outside to get a tan – there are always volleyball g
ames, surfing parties, BBQ’s and campfires to show off that brown bod and to catch a few more rays. That’s step one.

2 – Buff your body – it helps to have good muscle tone the more muscles, the more tan on your body because there’ll be more of you for the sun to tan!

3 – Use Moisturiser – because it stops your skin getting too dry and means you can get more tan .

4 – Use a mirror – oh yeah, I like this one! If you put a mirror in front of your face, the sun will shine and reflect off the mirror onto your face, giving you a better tan – and if you hold it properly, you can look at your own reflection! I like that so I can check out my fabulous muscles.

5 – Use fake tan – easy to roll on the skin, giving you a tan instantly”