Category: Atlantis High Guides

I know that for many of you, this will be the first time you have worn underwear. So I will give a quick lesson in the geography of the underwear.
Your underwear has 5 basic sections. There are three holes in your underwear. The larger of the three holes is “the waist.” The other two holes are “the legs.” The rest of your underwear is comprised of “the front” and “the back.” When holding your underwear by The Waist, with The Legs pulled away from eachother, The Front is the smaller panel, and The Back is the larger.

When putting your underwear on, hold it open by The Waist so that The Front is facing upward, and The Back is hanging toward the floor. Stick your right leg into the underwear through The Waist, and out through The Leg on the right side. Stick your left leg into the underwear through The Waist, and out through The Leg on the left side. It is important that you do not push both legs through the same Leg hole.

Now stand up. Clutching your underwear by The Waist, cinch the underwear upward toward your belly until you cannot pull them any higher. Congratulations! You are now Wearing Underwear!

(Please note that the above processes should be completed before you put on other clothing.)

Choosing Your Underwear
It is best to choose underwear that does not have another name on the waistband. There are a few exceptions to this rule. Any underwear bearing the name Sabrina Georgia is safe, as she does not wear her underwear. If you spot underwear bearing the name, Giles Gordon, this is extremely valuable, as there is a bounty on his underwear. Word on the street is that it is wanted for scientific testing. Please do not wear Giles Gordon underwear before selling it to the CIA as it may confuse their results.

Beyond that, there are millions of underwears available to you, and all are sold through the Atlantis High Clothing Catalogue (please make cheques out to Violet Profusion).

Sparkles are a nice touch on a pair of underwear, but, if you are wearing sparkles, it is important that you pull out the waist of your pants several times throughout the day to allow the sparkles to re-charge.

I am particularly fond of underwear with an electronic voice-box—you know, the kind that play the tinny electric Christmas Carols? However, after an incident in the bio labs, these are not to be worn on school premises. Violators will be prosecuted.

I do not recommend that anybody wear knit or wool underwear, they are just too distracting.

A popular choice for students is the day-of-the-week underwear. However, please note that you must buy seven different pairs of underwear, each bearing a different day. Otherwise, these underwears just do not function properly. When shopping for day-of-the-week underwear, look for pairs on which the day is printed upside-down, as otherwise you will be unable to check the day on your own underwear while in class.

Although girly underwear looks great on all three sexes, I would encourage you to look into various lines of men’s briefs. Men’s briefs, while often less attractive, have the great utility of coming with a free pocket, which is a great way to carry your money or lunch when you have no pockets on the rest of your clothing. When purchasing men’s briefs, please note that they ride lower on the hips and have tighter leg-holes. You will need a larger pair if it is to fit you properly.

Finally, for those men and women who require a brassierre, no school legislation has yet been passed to allow these back in our schools. I can offer the following solution:

Buy three matching pairs of underwear. Put on the first pair as instructed above. Now take the second pair and hold it above your head with The Back facing behind you, and The Front facing forward. Stick your head and your left arm through The Waist, and push your left arm out through The Leg on the left, and your head out through The Leg on the right.

Now take your third pair, and repeat as with the second, sticking your right arm out through The Leg on the right, and your head out through The Leg on the left.

There! Not only do you have an excuse to wear three luscious pairs of underwear, but you are able to match your tops and your bottoms. Is anyone luckier than you? Other than me, I mean?

Good luck!

(For those wishing to express their gratitude for my instruction, I accept donations in cash and underwear form. I wear a size 12!).

“Why hello there! Violet here to give out some direly needed advice on everything under the sun—including the stuff the sun doesn’t shine on. Today I’d like to have a very serious discussion about a very very verrrrrrrrrrrry serious issue. That’s right, I’m talking about the underwear issue of the Atlantis High Clothing Catalogue.

Many of you may recall the dark days of prohibition when innocent students were not allowed to wear or carry underwear to school with them. I would like to set the records straight on some ugly, disgusting rumours.

Many, including the editor of the Sunset Cove Herald, have called me a hypocrite after a series of inconsistencies in policy came to light. I would like to note, Mr. Montana, that I am in no way related to the mamalius hippopotamus, and your statements show quite clearly that you have been nowhere near my underwear chest. I happen to be a size 12, and I resent any statements to the contrary.

As for the origins of prohibitions, I can say without any qualms that I would never try to come between a child and their underwear.

You may recall a time not too long ago when clothing of any kind was banned from Atlantis High. This was a measure created by a group of concerned parents who were worried that their children were tanning unevenly and that their tan-lines might impede their absorption of Vitamin D and other important information fed to youth at school.

Now I won’t call the man an idiot, but I do think that our nation’s president was making a mistake when he overruled our ban on student clothing. It is clear that he did not have the interest of the children in mind, but that he was operating under the duress of special interest groups such as the Rebelz Clothing Manufacture Group and the Coalition to Eat More Bananas.

Now I suggested at the time that we simply ignore the president’s orders, but my suggestion was overlooked, due to a fear that there may be spies hidden in Sunset Cove. So we had no choice but to concede, and, regrettably, to re-clothe our impressionable young students.

At the time of the president’s folly, the ban on underwear seemed to some concerned parents to be a reasonable conciliatory measure that would allow the poor children to remain nekky in spirit, without risking lifelong imprisonment for a violation of ridiculous public decency laws.

I chose not to stand up against the parents, despite my desperate affinity to underwear. I can see only in retrospect that this was a mistake. Our little town is founded on individuality. In choosing to hide my true feelings, I was cheating Sunset Cove and Atlantis High out of my valuable opinion and expertise.

Additionally, I agreed to implement a rule to which I was morally opposed, and with which I could never comply.

I love underwear! Sometimes I wear 6 or 7 pairs at a time. So starved was I for underwear in a school full of wear-burners, that I used to make a daily 40 km trek to the underwear museum housed over in the Big Smoke. When they banned me from their premises after an incident with a thong and a buffalo, my underwear addiction really got out of hand.

And we all know where the story goes from there.

Luckily, it ended happily, and we all got to keep our scanties.

As an offering to appease the community I betrayed, I would like to give out a few free lessons in underwearology.