Atlantis High Guides Archives - Page 28 of 30

JOSH AND OCTAVIA’S GUIDE TO STEALTH Part 1

JOSH AND OCTAVIA’S GUIDE TO STEALTH

“Josh and Octavia here. We’ve convened at a secret location to discuss tactics in stealth. Apparently this will be a self-conducted interview, as we were invited to this location with very specific instructions from a mysterious organization called “Cloud 9.”

STEALTH

OCTAVIA – Hello, Josh. I must say I’m a bit suspicious of these circumstances.

JOSH – Seems perfectly normal to me.

OCTAVIA – That’s what scares me. Do you know what agency this “Cloud 9” works for?

JOSH – No. But they say every Cloud has it’s Silver Lining, heh. ….No? Alright. Stealth. What does it mean to me?

OCTAVIA – –As an ordinary 16-year-old girl, I have never had a need to be particularly secretive. I find that many of my petty problems are solved with a dose of good old-fashioned honesty.

But, if I did come across a matter requiring extraordinary discretion, I would take the following precautions:

a) Distance the matter from myself by all possible means, so that if anything went wrong, nothing would trace back to me.

b) Never discuss the matter outloud in a public place where I might be overheard, or in a private building that might be tapped. Never use sign-language or lip-reading or other visual means of communication that might be seen or recorded by the G2QRL High-Definition Satellite Cameras. Especially never share information in writing. In fact, the best modus operandi is to never communicate. Ever. If communication becomes absolutely necessary, direct brain-to-brain telepathic connection is the only secure line.

c) Don’t pet the dog.

JOSH – I’m going to have to disagree with the lovely Octavia on this point. I find that a good scratch on a mongrel head now and then keeps the canine populations from tearing my pretty pink tights. –I mean— The pretty pink tights I bought for my mother. As a gift. To be nice.

OCTAVIA – For those who choose a life of stealth, it is important to remember that stealth is a 24-hour job. Don’t let your guard down, even for an instant. You cannot wait until you’ve had your morning coffee to put your stealth on. Nor can you take it off and divulge privileged information just to impress a date.
No, friends, you must eat, drink, and breathe secrecy. Even while you sleep, you must be ever vigilant.

SABRINA’S GUIDE TO ATTENTION SEEKERS 2

SABRINA’S GUIDE TO ATTENTION SEEKERS

Only the only people that turned up were people who wanted some extra attention, not people who needed help with their Attention Seeking ways.

Top Places to find Attention Seekers

1. In the library – I mean, who would like go there for fun?

2. Sitting at the bus stop – would you sit in a bus stop if you weren’t after attention?

3. Walking the dog – like, dogs are meant to go under your arm or in your handbag!

4. Walking – why walk when you can like, glide on your 3 inch stiletto heels?

5. At the hairdressers – like, your hairdresser should come to you.

6. In the supermarket – if you have to buy your own food you are so not cool.

7. At school – there are like more Attention Seekers per capita at school than in the entire town of Sunset Heights.

8. In the canteen – eating school food? Like lame-o. Bringing gourmet sushi? Like awesome.

9. At the beach – those lily-white nerdballs make me barf. Get back inside geeks!

10. At the traffic lights – I mean, really, who hangs out at traffic lights? What are they there for? Attention Seekers.

There were little old ladies who wanted cuddles and dogs that wanted walking, kids who needed babysitting and one old timer (who was so totally wrinkly it made me pukey) who wanted to adopt a snail because he didn’t get enough attention from his family.

Anyway, between you and me and the door, I kinda get a kick out of Attention Seekers in a secrety kinda way. It’s actually awesome to watch them watch me and try to figure out how to become so totally cool and hip. And then watch them do stupid things like wear little pink skirts and try to get their hair to look like mine.

But if you can’t stand Attention Seekers and there are like too many to handle, I think that the secret to dealing with them is this … do not like give them any attention or you’ll totally just encourage them.

But then again sometimes you just can’t help yourself!

SABRINA’S GUIDE TO ATTENTION SEEKING Part 1

SABRINA’S GUIDE TO ATTENTION SEEKING

“When I was six years old my mother told the lady in the shop that I was an Attention Seeker. That was so totally lame-o. I don’t need to seek attention, it comes to me naturally – but I do know how to spot an attention seeker”

Like, Attention Seekers are Grade A donuts. Totally choc dipped. With sprinkles. They are so lame-o it’s not funny and my teeth hurt when I look at them.

In Sunset Cove there are a lot of different people around. Like, some like to wear women’s clothes (when they are so not a woman) and some like to eat potato chips, which is so, like Yuk.

Top Ten Tips on Attention Seeker Spotting

1. Look out for the kid who talks to rabbits
2. Fake tan is like a totally total giveaway
3. Brown hair is like so totally gross on chick
4. Glasses mean that the kid is a nerd and all nerds are attention seekers
5. Guys that fall off their skateboards are lame-o and attention seekers
6. Chicks with hairy pits are so totally wrong but they are attention seeking – why else would they forget to shave – like, yukola
7. Guys that wear pink fluffy G-strings – but that’s kinda cute too
8. Old women who try to look young by wearing lots of lipstick and fake eyelashes – look at Violet – puhleease!
9. Twinsets and pearls – are you like serious?!
10. Kids with big ears should like stay on the moon

But everything is accepted here because we’re all so totally like, nice. Nobody minds who wears what or if you take your dolphin into the Princess Diner or whatever. Whatever!

But one thing that we all hate (well, I do anyway) and that’s Attention Seekers.

There are some weird geeky kids that think they can be in the ‘in crowd’ if they like act like they’re cool or something, which they’re so totally never gonna be. As if.

This one geeky nerdball, he likes to steal pink fluffy G-strings. Like that’s gonna make him numero uno. Not.

Attention Seekers have a real problem and there was a club set up like alcoholics anonymonimous or something but it was for Attention Seekers.

BEANIE’S GUIDE TO BEEDLY BOPPERS Part 2

BEANIE’S GUIDE TO BEEDLY BOPPERS

So I threw away my beedly boppers and tried to forget about them and about what the Rev.Hill had said.
After a few years people stopped calling the military when I walked about town and just went back to pointing at my ears and calling me weirdo. That was okay with me.

After a few more years I found something that made me dance again so I was happy. Eating mashed potato makes it hard to dance but man, when you feel the rhythm you just can’t stop those happy feet tapping away!

Well, my life changed when the Great Potato Famine hit Sunset Cove and I had to go on rations. My happy feet had to be put away again when all potatoes had been eaten and there were no more left for anyone, not even the Montana family who could pretty much buy anything they wanted.

I was out shopping one afternoon to try to find something else that got my rhythms going and something caught my eye. Something spangly, something sparkly, something zoingy…BEEDLY BOPPERS!!!!

I waltzed my way down aisle 7 past the custard powder and the gravy granules and I tangoed past the TV dinner freezers and salsa’d my way outside and my legs just carried me faster and faster (one step together two step together) towards that beautiful sight of …

Mrs Miggins and the Rev.Hill. Wearing beedly boppers on their heads. Purple and yellow zebras. And giant sunflowers.

What was going on? Nobody screamed, nobody shouted to dive for cover as the aliens attacked, nobody shoved cotton wool in their ears so their brains wouldn’t get sucked out.

People turned and pointed and admired those beedly boppers!

Soon the whole of Sunset Cove was alive with the sparkles of the beedly boppers and everyone was wearing them!

Soon the craze spread to the rest of the world and kids, adults and grannies were wearing their favourite pair of beedly boppers whenever they could!

I held back as long as I could in case it was some crazy joke they were playing on me but then I got the shakes and the shivers and I couldn’t stop myself and I went home to my cupboard and made myself the biggest, spangliest pair of beedly boppers anyone had ever seen.

I was the local celebrity after that. Everyone wanted to be my friend and everyone wanted me to make them a pair as amazing as mine. I was on the news and I was guest of honour at the greyhound races – they got me to tango round the track as the dogs tried to get my bunny beedly boppers – good thing I’m so tall, those dogs never stood a chance.

After a while the craze died down and people moved on to other things. Leg warmers and pixie boots, rara skirts and lace gloves. I went back to my normal life and stopped being given free enchiladas at the Princess Diner. But I still wore my beedly boppers with pride and I still danced when the rhythm hit me.

Well, the years have passed and I am in love. I always liked the look of Jet but you know when I knew for the first time that I loved her, really loved her? When I saw her at Octavia’s party – she was wearing beedly boppers!

BEANIE’S GUIDE TO BEEDLY BOPPERS Part 1

BEANIE’S GUIDE TO BEEDLY BOPPERS

“Hi, Beanie Weanie here. This weird planet has some weird people living on it and none are weirder than the guys here in Sunset Cove. First they laugh and stare and then they start a craze… Let me tell you all about my story of the beedly boppers.”.

SUNSET COVE

I’ve been living here for…well, quite some time…I guess. And I’ve always loved to wear things on my head. Things like hearts and flowers and round things. Things that sparkle and shine. Things that spring and zoing and bedabingbing.

I’m happy when I wear my beedly boppers and they make me feel like dancing. I guess it’s a part of where I come from, who I am. Maybe my people wear them to celebrate? Or maybe the people of my people that wear them are like royalty? Whatever the reason, I found myself on this planet with a whole collection of beedly boppers.

People started to look at me strangely when I wore them to church for the first time. I knew that church was somewhere that you had to behave yourself and I always dressed up in my finest jeans and truckers hat when I went there so that I looked good. But one Sunday I woke up and felt sad and put on my sparkliest pair of beedly boppers which were purple and yellow zebras. They made me feel like dancing and I did – I danced all the way to church. I just forgot that I had them on.

I’m used to people staring at me so it didn’t make me feel too spaced out when all the congregation started to point and old Mrs.Miggins screamed and fainted when I walked in. That was nothing new to me at all.

But when the Rev.Hill included me in his sermon about the dangers of space aliens and said that the first sign that an alien was in the midst of town was when it started to sprout zebras out of its head I knew that he was talking about me.

I was terrified, horrified that I might actually be an alien! Missie Missie had told me all about aliens after she’d been to the drive-in movie at Cornelius Cove one time and she was so scared that one night they were going to come and suck her brains out through her ears that she never went anywhere again.

I didn’t want to be like that! I didn’t want to turn into a brain sucking alien.