Sophie May Archives - Atlantis High

SOPHIE’S GUIDE TO BOYS 2

SOPHIE’S GUIDE TO BOYS

The Men of Sunset Cove As you may know, as “Sexy Sophie” I am seeking the best man in town and am literally going through the phonebook checking out the men of the town. Here’s my observations on the men of Sunset Cove and who I’d like to go out with (and who I wouldn’t!)…

Giles Gordon – Mr. Nerd had the rudeness to turn me down before I became Sexy Sophie. Yep, I used to have a thing for him – he was kinda cute.

Josh Montana – the richest guy in town but not the smartest. Oh, so what – I prefer brawn over brains any day and in this department Josh cuts the moxie.

Beanie Weanie – if you like big ears, you’ll like him. He’s guaranteed to listen to you at all times.

Mr. Dorsey – too old and rumours have it that he has green skin. He needs more moisturizer.

Coach Shane – a bit too old too – after all, he is a teacher. With rippling muscles, he is a pair of biceps on legs and is hunky. I like hunks.

Silver Lining – who is this mysterious superhero? I like pink and I like guys in pink – so I like him.

Bad Mood – and who is this supervillain? He’s nasty and even not nice. But I like black more than I like pink. And I like guys in black more than I like guys in pink. So yeah… he’s good.

Commander Vermont – in three words – old, old, old. And married (drat!)…

Grampa Gordon – in two words – old and crazy. I like crazy. Gramps is younger than his true years and is the town’s rebel without a cause.

Some Famous Guys
Who are the best looking guys in history? It’s touch to choose them. Well, here is my Top Ten of All-time handsome hunks…

1. Giles Gordon
2. Tribemaster
3. James Dean
4. Grampa Gordon
5. Johnny Depp
6. Mel Gibson
7. Pierce Brosnan
8. Ben Affleck
9. Chewbacca
10. Harrison Ford

How to catch your dream date

I am irresistible to most men in the world. They just cannot stop falling for me with my amazing appeal. Here’s some tips on how to get your dream guy:

1. Set a trap. Yep, you can put some food on the floor or something in a big mouse trap and catch a man

2. Flutter your eyelashes. Guys love chicks with nice eyes and eyelashes. Give them a flutter.

3. Flick your hair. Turn your shoulders and twirl your head, making your hair flick. Guys drop their jaws for that – especially if your hair is long. Ideally do it in slow-motion.

Well, I better stop now. I am up to letter “P” in the Sunset Cove phonebook so must continue my checking out the boys in town. I hoped you like my guide to boys…

SOPHIE’S GUIDE TO BOYS 1

SOPHIE’S GUIDE TO BOYS

In the past when I was shy and quirky, I used to ask myself “Boys? Who needs them?” – but now I am the irresistible sexy Sophie, I answer “I need them!”. Who are the boys in Sunset Cove and how do you meet Mr. Right? Well, you can find out by reading my guide to boys…

A History of BoysI didn’t pay much attention to Mr. Dorsey before but I do remember that the first boy was some guy called Adam. That’s not a very cool name – shouldn’t he have been called Lex or Robbie or something? Anyway, this Adam guy was the first boy but had a weakness in his love for fruit. If you know the story in the Bible, I guess the morale is “never listen to a snake’s advice”!.

But anyway since that day, boys have been found in history. Every guy needs a girl and some famous guys in history have had famous wives or girlfriends – Anthony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, King Henry and Anne Boleyn – ahh, isn’t it so romantic!

There are about 3 billion men on the planet right now – if I had to kiss each one of them, it would take me about 15 billion seconds – that’s over 95 years and I’d be old and wrinkly and yucky looking by that time. I would also need lots of lipstick…

Good things about Boys

Us girls know that girls are really better than boys but following my nasty experience with those yucky weird aliens, I have changed and now have come to appreciate that boys are quite nice really and have their good points. Boys are good for:

1. Changing lightbulbs
2. Washing dishes
3. Doing gardening
4. Getting rid of nasty bugs
5. Good for nothing
And boys are fun sometimes (if you meet the right one – many of them aren’t good) when you meet a nice guy then you could maybe go on a date! Ahh – the cinema, a romantic candlelit dinner, comparing stamp collections – you can have great fun!

Bad things about boys

There are sadly some bad things about boys – and these mostly are:

1. They’re hairy. Yep, most guys are part-gorillas and need to shave regularly. Yucky.
2. They’re not very bright. It’s true – many guys don’t have very big brains.
3. They only want one thing – food. Yep, most guys want fresh food on the table every day already cooked for them. Can’t they learn how to cook meals on their own?
4. They snore. Ever heard a guy asleep? They will sound like a pig with very loud and unpleasant snoring.
5. They have bad breath. Uh-huh. Despite toothbrushes and flossing, most guys have stinky breath, worse than a doggie’s breath, and the smell attracts bugs.

SOPHIE’S GUIDE TO TALKSHOWS 1

SOPHIE’S GUIDE TO TALKSHOWS

GUESTS

So what sort of people should be on a talkshow? All talkshows have themes. Previously there have been some guests who didn’t work out, such as:

“Oh no I’ve lost my voice” None of these guests said anything which caused a huge riot in the crowd. Funnily enough this actually boosted ratings and the next week the theme was “Oops I accidentally became involved in a riot on tv”.

WORST TALKSHOW EPISODES EVER!“The Invisible Man Family Reunion” This episode was listened to by millions but only seen by 9.

Another one was a talkshow hosts nightmare! All the guests had temperamental phobias of answering questions!

Plastic Surgery Special – A guest had lips that looked like kebabs but thanks to plastic surgery their problem was solved…until they appeared on the show, where the studio lights melted the lips beyond recognition.

Psychic Special – A guest had E.S.P and clairvoyant skills and answered all the hosts questions before they were even asked.

Body Odour – “My Feet Smell Like Danish Blue” – Unfortunately this show didn’t last five minutes. Within 20 seconds the crowd were gagging and fainting from the smell.

IS IT REAL OR IS IT FAKE?

There are often rumours that talkshow are fake – that actors – not guests – are hired to make the show. None of the guests on Simply Sophie are actors! Some of our much loved Sunset Covers have appeared as guests including Silver Lining and his arch rival and lover Bad Mood. Grampa has appeared when he claimed that Giles Gordon was an alien and Don found a potato chip that looked like Elvis!

One of my favourites was when Antonia appeared in front of an intergalactic live satellite hookup that covered 638 planets, and revealed her love of Mr Dorsey – classic!

SOPHIE’S POLTERGEIST’S GUIDE TO GHOSTS. 2

SOPHIE’S POLTERGEIST’S GUIDE TO GHOSTS.

People often wonder what it is that makes a ghostie want to haunt someone. Why the ghostie doesn’t just go and relax in Heaven and be nice and calm and happy?

Well, that’s no fun! Face it, if you were a rebellious person when you were alive and liked to party hard then why should you just chill out when you die? It’s much better to cause a bit of havoc and throw a few plant pots around.

Five not so well known Sunset Cove Ghosties

1. The Phantom of the Diner
2. High School Hagar the Horrid
3. Hells Hellish Bogus Biker
4. Mysterious Michael Mavaric
5. The See Through Sea Spectre.

Five noises that are often mistaken for ghosties

1. The cat jumping off the couch.
2. The front door rattling in the wind.
3. Dads snoring.
4. The monster in the cupboard.
5. The invisible pixie that Irish dances at the bottom of your bed at 3.15am

Haunting is a real art form and not everyone can do it, no matter how much they want to. There are some depressed ghosts around here, let me tell you and I am a bit of an agony aunt for them.

I have taken a few ghosties under my wing and hopefully they’ll be able to give haunting their best shot soon. So if you get really scared by a ghostie in the next wee while you know they were taught by yours truly.

There are some other things that can go bump in the night and these have nothing to do with ghosties. Just take some time to think to yourself, “Is that noise a ghost or is it something else?”

Next, check around the house. Look out your windows. If it is not your cat or something that can be easily explained; if you feel icy cold and have a tingle down your spine; if you can see something hazy and are hit on the head by a flying plant pot; chances are it is a ghostie.

I think that you should try to make friends with your ghost eventually but for the first few years, enjoy being scared, it’s actually a great feeling and it gives you a story or two to tell your mates about. And it’s a real ego boost to your ghostly companion, they’ll get such a kick out of scaring you.

So it’s goodbye from me … for now … oh, and to the non-believers out there … click here

SOPHIE’S POLTERGEIST’S GUIDE TO GHOSTS. 1

SOPHIE’S POLTERGEIST’S GUIDE TO GHOSTS.

I am Sophie’s Poltergeist. I’ll take some time out of my hectic haunting schedule to tell you a little bit about ghosties and other things that go bump in the night.

There are a lot of spooky things that go on in Sunset Cove and believe me, even I get scared sometimes.

My Top Ten Haunting Tips

1. Make sure that you sit in the freezer for an hour before your haunting so that you can make the air nice and icy.

2. Yell and moan a lot, that gets people really worried.

3. One you’ve gotten someone’s attention, whisper their name over and over again, this really gives them the heeby geebies.

4. Tickle the back of your victims neck, this is great for sending a shiver down their spine.

5. Throw as many things as possible. If it doesn’t scare them at least it will annoy them!

6. Try to stay hidden until the very last minute, suspense is the key to a good haunting.

7. Creep up behind someone when they’re looking in their mirror – this is a guaranteed fright hit.

8. Bang a few doors and rattle some windows.

9. get the cat or dog on your side – your victim will be really scared if their friendly pet does a runner when you arrive.

10. Last but not least, leave a lasting impression on your victim by promising them that it’s their fault you’re haunting them and that you’ll keep coming back until they can find out the riddle to your untimely death.

Sophie was great to latch on to. She was so sweet that it was easy to tap into her bad side and make the most of her jealous streak that she tried to keep suppressed.

I had so much fun! I always get a buzz when I get to throw things at people and twist heads around. Wow, talk about an adrenaline rush!

But sometimes things would get a little bit too creepy even for my liking. Like the time I went down to the beach for a walk and got chased by a headless ghostie. This guy meant business. He thought that I was on his turf when all I wanted to do was get some r&r by the sea.

Anyway, I got some green plasma thrown at me, some chains rattled right in my ears and it got really, really cold. I ran away as fast as I could – which was pretty fast considering I don’t technically have to run – I can just glide and float and kind of squish around.

But it was a close call and I can still smell the stale deathly breath of that old guy.

Yuk! Why can’t other ghosties stay nice and clean and use some aftershave once in a while?

I mean, there’s no point in letting yourself go just because you’re dead!