Vita Archives - Page 2 of 2

VITA’S MOTHER’S GUIDE TO THE ROMANCE OF SPAIN 1

VITA’S MOTHER’S GUIDE TO THE ROMANCE OF SPAIN

“Ola, I am Senora Vitensa, mother of Vita and I like Spain.”

SPAIN

Spain is a big country and it is verrry beautiful. It has the sea and the hills and the bulls and the olives.
I have been there many times and I always stay in a little town called Alamadra, which is near the southern tip of the country.

The village is set up on a hillside that is covered with vines and olive trees. I stay in an old farmhouse cottage that looks out over the blue waters of the Mediterranean and at night when the crickets start to chirp I sit on my balcony and watch the stars.

My mother’s mother’s friend’s dog came from Spain and so it is dear to my heart. I visit there as much as I can to become one with the earth and the soil and the paella.

I like to stay on my own so that I can be on my own.

That means that I can listen to the noises of the chickens, which I love. They remind me of my mother because she used to like Roast Chicken for dinner on a Sunday. That is from my English side.

But from my Spanish side I like the siestas in the afternoon. Vita has learned this from me and always has a nap at Atlantis High. Violet never understands that she simply has to lie down after lunch and that she has to sleep for a few hours.

It is not Vita’s fault that the stupid school system means that she wakes up when everyone has left for the day. If they made all the kids have siestas then they might be much happier than they are now. And if they are happy then they will learn.

Anyway, after my siesta in Spain I get up and have a swim. It is so warm in the water there and there are no sharks swimming near your toes. And no Beanie either – he always gets in the way when I try to swim in Sunset Cove.

After my swim I sit on my balcony and let the sunshine dry my hair while I read a book by Federico Garcia Lorca. Then I get ready for the evening.

In Spain people eat their dinner at about 9 o’clock. They meet together and have a very slow dinner. There are lots of tapas, which are little dishes of food that you can share with others. Only I do not like to share.

Then I have some paella, which is seafood, and rice and it is really very tasty, even though I am allergic to rice I like to eat the paella because that is what all the locals eat and they would look at me strangely if I ordered a hamburger.

There is a lot of wine drunk with the dinner and a lot of laughter and stories. The best stories are told by the old ladies who sit in their black clothes and drip their paella into their wrinkled faces. They smile through missing teeth and tell tales of the Flamenco and the gypsies. And of the way that the olives tasted when they were young and you had to climb hills as big as Mount Everest to catch an olive and that youngsters are so lucky today that all they have to do is to reach out of their window and pluck an olive off a tree.

VITA’S GUIDE TO TYPING 2

VITA’S GUIDE TO TYPING

That is another annoying thing about these machines but Mr.Scrimpy would attack the electric typewriter Don got me so we had to get rid of it.

I can type very very fast and I don’t even count the words I can do in a minute because I am so very fast. But I do know that I can type up a report card faster than a printer can print it out. So you see that I am well trained to be able to teach the students how to do this typing thing.

I like to teach the kids sometimes but it has to be when I am ready because those stupid kids can make me feel like going home. One of them didn’t know that you had to hit the keys to make the letters and just stared at the machine thinking he could make it work with his brain.

One kid thought the machine was a dating agency and tried to get it to find him a girlfriend.

Vita’s Top Ten Tips for choosing a typing teacher

1. Make sure that they are not dead
2. Make sure that they have fingers
3. Make sure that they can type
4. Make sure they know the alphabet
5. Make sure you have a typewriter
6. A good teacher can teach you to type with your toes
7. Look at the teachers nails – if they are not clean then do not choose them, they are not hygienic
8. Latino typists are the best because they like to dance and rhythm is important for typing
9. A good teacher will like to eat apples
10. If a teacher can balance a paper airplane on their nose and type faster than a concert pianist then you have found me

And one kid thought that it was a time traveller and she tried to go back to Ancient Greece in it to see if Atlantis was there.

But some of the kids are okay and know what to do and one of them even managed to type a letter of complaint to Violet. This kid complained that I had no teaching skills and that her poltergeist could do a better job but I didn’t mine. At least she knew what the machine was for.

So, computers are okay and they have their uses but I do not like to touch a mouse whether it is dead or alive or plastic so I use my typewriter.

VITA’S GUIDE TO TYPING 1

VITA’S GUIDE TO TYPING

“Hi, I’m Vita and this is my guide to Typing.

I hate it. It ruins my nails and makes my eyes go all squiggly. But I am good at it and I will teach you how it is best to do this thing they call typing.

PAPER, INK, KEYS…

Look at your desk. Do you have a typewriter there? No? Do you have a keyboard then? You must have something on your desk or you would not be interested in typing at all.

Okay then, whatever you use is okay with me. Whatever. It’s your choice. But it isn’t the same if you use a pencil – that is called writing.

Typing on a typewriter involves a great deal of skill. These machines are old and stupid and they make noises that give me a headache. But they are what my Mama used and what her Mama used and they are what I use.

Computers are okay and keyboards can be nice but I want to talk about typewriters first.

So, sit down and keep a straight back. Look at the typewriter and look at the letters on it. These are called keys. I don’t know why because they do not unlock anything but there you go, another stupid English word…

You have to put your fingers on the keys in a certain way and hit the keys to make a print on the paper. This is called typing.

Touch typing is when you can touch your nose when you hit the keys and I can do that very well. In fact, I can type with one hand and manicure my nails with my teeth.

Violet can only type with two fingers and even then she gets ink all over the place and it is up to me, Vita to clean the stupid desk. That is not why I am here and I think that it is slave labour to make me do these things but if it stops Violet from squawking in my ear then that is good because she gives me more of a headache than the typewriter does.

Typing is handy because it means that you don’t have to write anything, only if you want to sign your name at the end of the letter.

The paper goes in at the top and when you get to the end you have to use another piece of paper.

The ink makes the letters and when the ink is run out you have to put more ink in.

There is a bell that makes a noise when you get to the end of a line and that bell makes my budgie Mr Scrimpy flap his wings and say “I told you so.”

DR LEGGS’ report on VITA (Miriama Smith).

DR LEGGS’ report on VITA (Miriama Smith).

Hello, I am Dr Leggs, the resident psychiatrist of Sunset Cove. Many interesting people come to see me about their problems (and you can sometimes see me in Atlantis High!). Each week I’m profiling different Sunset Covers – and this week is the gorgeous Latino Secretary of Atlantis High – Vita

Name:	Vita – her last name is unknown
Age:	About 26
Status:	Sexy Latino School Secretary to the Principal of Atlantis High Violet Profusion
Appearance:	Always in trendy and midriff showing clothes – she has a great figure and doesn’t mind outrageous outfits.
Past History:	She was born in Latin America and grew up with a love of theatre. She was a highly acclaimed actor in Hollywood and won an two Emmy’s and an Oscar for Best Actress. For reason’s unknown she moved to Sunset Cove to become the secretary at Atlantis High
Motives:	Vita is very intelligent and focussed. She knows she can do anything she wants to. She aims high and would like to become principal of Atlantis High permanently. She doesn’t like Violet Profusion and believes she could do a much better job herself. I wonder if she is sneaky enough to implement her plan…
Influences:	Vita is infatuated with her fellow staff member and Gym Coach – Coach Shane. She would do almost anything for him. But she has a rival – Violet Profusion can’t keep her hands or eyes off the young athlete either…
Strengths:	Vita is strong minded and speaks her mind. She is forever telling people they are “Scumbags!” but Vita can get away with it. She is great at acting and likes to keep this as a hobby. Passion is her strength – if she believes in something enough she’ll probably get it.
Weaknesses:	Coach Shane is Vita’s one weakness – she has an infatuation with him that literally has her head over heels. When she can’t be with him she has a blow up doll with his face on it just to keep her happy.
Catchphrases:	“Listen up Scumbags!!”
Secrets:	It is a mystery why Vita is in Sunset Cove. She gave up a great career in acting to work in Sunset Cove – why would someone do that? There is more to her than meets the eye and if you get on the wrong side of her – watch out!
Rumours:	Rumour is that her and her blow up doll are going to elope over the next few weeks. Another rumour is that she is secretly working for someone to infiltrate Sunset Cove and pass on information – but who to?
	CLICK HERE TO RETURN TO THE LIST OF DR LEGGS’ REPORTS AVAILABLE SO FAR…

VITA

VITA

The principal’s assistant from Latin America, Vita is a bombshell and would be popular with students (especially guys) if she did not have a habit of calling them “scumbags”. Intelligent and quite eccentric with her hip-swinging walk, Vita barely tolerates the outrageous behaviour of her boss…Vita is infatuated with her fellow staff member, Coach Shane, but finds a rival for Shane’s attentions in the form of her employer, Violet Profusion…

Miriama Smith
Miriama’s most recent Cloud 9 appearance was as Moz in the Tribe Series 3. She has also starred in Cloud 9’s production of Swiss Family Robinson alongside Richard Thomas. Her first job in the television industry was as Sally in the 1980’s NZ police drama Shark in the Park. She has also been in Xena, Hercules, Mirror Mirror and Shortland Street.